Time

Time - I have two "issues" with time today. First, I saw way too much of it on the clock last night. Just when I thought I might get some sleep, nope only a few minutes had passed. Then when I had actually drifed off, Nancy Claire and John Brady were wide awake at 4:44 AM!!!! Yes, you read that correctly. And it was only 44 minutes after I had last looked at the clock!!! My second issue with time: they say it's supposed to "heal all wounds" - well, how much time? I tossed and turned and turned and tossed last night with images in my head that I just couldn't block out. It's been almost 15 months, and even tonight as someone asked me why I had taken Griefshare in the Fall I felt my chest tighten as I explained. And when you hear those words come out of your mouth, the gravity of it all weighs on you. Not coincidentally, because I don't believe in coincidence, the lady who asked happened to know our dear friends who had lost their precious son the day before, the ones we had just spent some time with before my husband left to go hunting with my dad. That connection gave her some understanding of just what a tremendous day it had already been for us, with Yancey recounting for me the night he lost his dad and how he'd never get that image out of his head. Four short hours later, he'd be in the exact same situation with my dad. The details of that evening are so difficult, we've only talked about them twice - for his sake and my own. I don't know if I don't ask to keep from hurting him, or if he doesn't talk to keep from hurting me - either way right now it's just still too painful. Even after all this "TIME".
So I pray that tonight, I am about to do my last time check - I have decided I must break down and take a little "help" for sleep tonight so that my children don't suffer through another day of a mom with 1 hour sleep behind her!
And since tonight in church we talked about some great things God has been doing for us, I should share the incredible blessing He gave us yesterday. My John Brady's sweet Stefanie has now left us for Texas and her husband, so we have held her breath wondering what was going to happen. She's just so incredible, but she learned from the Best - well, we found out yesterday that the "Best" will be seeing our John Brady herself!!! Yes, someone who is HIGHLY QUALIFIED, SPECIALIZED, AND SWEET FRIENDALIZED has agreed to take care of my precious boy!
God does IMMEASURABLY more than we could ever ASK, IMAGINE or DREAM!!! See, we just had to give it some TIME and it worked out!
Thank you sweet Lord!